I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I need water and some morals
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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