Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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