First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
