He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
