I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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