so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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