She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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