he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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