I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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