Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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