I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
