Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do you have feelings for this penis?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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