No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
A+ Viking dick
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
