Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
