I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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