so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
