remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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