Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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