I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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