i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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