I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
