I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I want a musical about memes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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