I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I look better un-naked...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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