I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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