I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
