I'm jealous of your bromance
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
