Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
