I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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