great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
