you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
