oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
