His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
