a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
