Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
