Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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