True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
