Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
