I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
