i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
