I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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