I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
