Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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