We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
