i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
