just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
