My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
