who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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