Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
