i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
