she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
